On this road to trying to lead a healthier lifestyle and get down to a healthier weight there is one thing that I have really worked on and struggled with and that is getting my mindset in the right place. Because living a healthy lifestyle is so much more than just exercising and losing weight. Many, like me, who have struggled with their weight often identify themselves with the number they see on the scale. I would always feel limited, because there are weight limits all around me. Can’t ride a bike because there’s a weight limit on most bicycles, there are weight limits on roller coasters, hammocks, porch swings, jet skis, ATVs, and so much more. There is so much I decline doing, not because I don’t want to, but because I feel limited. The few times when I would risk the weight limits I would end up in some sort of mortifying, embarrassing predicament, like the tires flattening on a bike for example. One recent occurrence that still burns fresh in my mind was when I went on an outing with my husband and his family and we all went to the outdoor go-carting rink. But due to me being at my heaviest at the time, I was not comfortable of being seen squished in a go-cart and also had this irrational fear that I would be so heavy the go-cart wouldn’t even run. So, instead I politely declined and offered to watch the other girls’ purses and watched them as they go-carted around the track. Well to this day they think I just don’t like go-carts when the reality of it is that I absolutely LOVE them, but am too scared and embarrassed to go on them in my current state. Then there’s the ‘size limitations’ of airplane seats. I love traveling and flying… but am always so embarrassed whenever I have to fly somewhere because of one, needing to get a seat belt extender, and two, squishing my hips into the tiny airplane seats and knowing that I might be making the person next to me uncomfortable.
This week at my weekly weigh-in (down 3lbs!) and Weight Watchers meeting this week’s weekly topic is Boost Self-Esteem. We discussed the importance of getting ourselves to that healthy mindset of loving ourselves no matter what and not defining ourselves by that number on a scale. One thing that a fellow member said that stuck with me was if there was something you would never tell your best friend (i.e you’re fat, or you shouldn’t even think about buying those clothes because they’ll look terrible on you) then you should not even think those things about yourself. Focus on your beauty, inner and outer. This is something that I am constantly struggling with, I’ve had such a negative view about myself that honestly, it took meeting my husband to get me to realize that I am so much more. It took a man who loved me at my worst, to make me realize that if someone amazing such as him could love me then why is it so hard for me to love myself? So look around yourself, look at your family, or your best friend, someone who’s been there with you through the thick and thin, and ask yourself, if they love you so unconditionally, then shouldn’t you love yourself the same way.
This week, my goal is to avoid any negative thoughts, I will not have any disparaging comments or thoughts about myself. I will not negatively judge myself. But instead will focus on the good, will focus on loving the person I see in the mirror because she is loved and she is worth it.